What Will Be Your Divorce Story?
Roughly half of American marriages result in divorce. You have heard stories about divorces and family law, and maybe even experienced one yourself as a child or adult. But have you asked yourself what you want the story of your own divorce to be?
What is the story you would like to tell about your divorce?
If you live in Washington State, and want to learn more about Mediation for your divorce or separation, contact Seattle divorce mediator Mark Weiss at (206) 622-6707
Divorce is a life transition; it necessarily involves writing the next chapter in your story, whether or not you made the choice to divorce. Divorce includes making financial decisions, including dividing property and debt, and perhaps agreeing to spousal support to help cover expenses. If you have children, you will need to plan how to raise and financially support them into adulthood. While there may be some legal components to these decisions, at essence these are not legal questions. At their essence, the questions in divorce are about how you and your family will restructure the fabric, finances, and co-parenting for a successful next chapter of your lives, all while managing the normal emotional challenges at a crossroads in life.
Because most salient questions in divorce involve real-life considerations (about how to make finances work and co-parenting smooth), more and more people are choosing a healthier and more sophisticated alternative to old-style divorce. With the assistance of skilled professionals who can facilitate difficult conversations and provide the education needed to navigate the emotional, financial, and parenting transition that divorce involves, these couples can avoid the inevitable damage that is caused by positioning for a court fight. By focusing efforts on reaching an agreement that supports their values and priorities, these people write their own stories in their divorce and for their futures.
Most people are well aware that divorce often occurs at a time when the ability to communicate effectively is compromised and anxiety is high. By committing to work through the tough spots together with the utmost of respect and integrity, divorce can not only be more manageable, but be an experience in which all constructively work towards mutually acceptable solutions. Because, despite the best of intentions, the emotions and decisions may at times feel overwhelming and even lead to impulsive decisions, these couples seek the help of skilled divorce professionals who can guide them through the rough spots towards a mutually acceptable agreement.
So ask yourself this: What is the story you want to be able to tell yourself and others about your divorce? Do you want to be able to share that you made wise and thoughtful decisions, consistent with your highest priorities and values for yourself and your children? Do you want to be able to explain how your divorce decisions made possible a positive future? Do you want to be able to speak to having acted authentically with the highest level of personal integrity possible in a process that was respectful to all? What is the story you wish to tell about your transition to the next chapter of your life? It’s yours to write.
What is the story you would like to tell about your divorce?
Alternatives to Old-Style Divorce
There are two main alternatives to old-style divorce that can empower you and your spouse to yourselves write the next chapters of your lives: Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. Both processes involve you and your spouse working together in the same room; however, the roles and composition of professionals differs between these processes.
Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are different from each other. However, both are designed to allow you and your spouse to make the decisions about your post-divorce futures. You work from the very start to identify what uniquely needs to be addressed for you. Working in facilitated discussions with the help of your neutral mediator (or your Collaborative Divorce lawyers), you and your spouse can identify the issues to be addressed, and then jointly evaluate the available options. The professionals help you in identifying and evaluating options, so you have the information needed to make the best choices for your situation.
When the focus is to build agreements together from the outset, you can focus on the real questions that need to be addressed and on the best solutions.
There’s another benefit to avoiding old-style courtroom-focused divorce. When you can preserve (or create) a working relationship with your children’s co-parent in your divorce, your children will do better. Children do much better when not exposed to parental acrimony. Mediation gives you the opportunity to build a healthier future for your children.
If you’re interested in authoring the next chapter in your story instead of turning it over to a ghost-writer, consult a mediator or ask the divorce lawyers you’re interviewing whether they have training and experience in Collaborative Divorce. Then make your choice based on what’s best for you.
If you live in the Seattle or King County area and have questions about divorce, please contact Seattle divorce mediator Mark Weiss at (206) 622-6707.