Stages of the Collaborative Divorce Process

A Collaborative Divorce Process Has Three Main Stages

Once the foundational pieces are in place, including the Participation Agreement signed at the first joint session, the Collaborative Divorce process has three stages.

• Stage One: Information Gathering
• Stage Two: Generating Options
• Stage Three: Co-Creating the Agreement

Normally, each stage is concluded before moving on to the next stage. Rushing ahead before everyone is ready can actually slow down the process. The amount of time each stage takes depends on the complexity of the issues, the readiness of each party, and the degree of conflict.

(Please note that the names of the stages might differ between professional teams and regions, but the general progression and purpose is fairly uniform among trained and experienced Collaborative lawyers.)

It is helpful to be mindful about which stage of the process you are in at any time. If a party or professional is under the impression that s/he is in a different stage, then expectations are likely to become skewed. If you are unclear, be sure to ask.

Stage One: The Information Gathering Stage of Collaborative Divorce

The information-gathering stage is the place where everyone gathers, shares, and learns the needed financial, parenting, emotional, and legal information. This is an educational stage that includes small and large meetings and homework. Small meetings include those between the clients and the financial specialist, between the clients and their coach(es) and child specialist, and each attorney. There are also larger joint sessions with both attorneys and other team members.

The Information Gathering stage is usually the stage that takes the longest. Usually, this stage consists of two to six joint sessions – sometimes more. The total number of sessions varies due to many factors, including the issues and complexity of the case, whether homework is completed, and whether everyone is ready to proceed emotionally and substantively. As they say, your mileage may vary.

Stage Two: Option Generation

The Option Generation stage has several distinct steps, all done in the same room together. First, we develop the interests, needs, goals, and concerns of all. Doing this helps frame the brainstorming and allows everyone to keep what's most important in mind. Second, drawing on information learned during the Information Gathering stage, we brainstorm possible options that would address the interests, needs, goals, and concerns that were identified. Third, we measure or evaluate the options that were brainstormed to learn which may be worth pursuing.

The purpose for this stage is to ensure that all known issues and concerns are addressed and that the possible options for addressing those needs are considered. This stage would not occur prior to completing the Information Gathering stage because the information is often key to being able to identify the needs, interest, goals, concerns. and options. The Option Generation stage usually consists of one or two joint sessions.

Stage Three: Building an Agreement

The Agreement stage has us bundling different options into possible scenarios. There will be discussion to ensure that everyone understands the advantages and disadvantages of each possibility. As needed, there may be some exploration exchanged to refine the potential agreement(s). At the end of this stage, we will have jointly created an agreement. This stage usually consists of several joint sessions, with additional sessions needed if there are complexities, if new issues are discovered, or if issues need a bit more discussion so they can be adequately addressed.

Wrapping Up the Collaborative Divorce Settlement

Once agreements are reached, the attorneys will prepare the final paperwork and ensure that all legal requirements are addressed. Final papers are often signed together.

Because divorce is such a major life transition, many divorcing couples who go through the Collaborative Divorce process choose a small ritual to mark the completion of the process. A ritual can bring help bring closure to this important transition, allow both parties to honor themselves and each other for the work and integrity shown through difficult times, and act as a meaningful symbol of a transition to a new future. Not all divorcing couples wish such a ritual, but if you do, it is worth taking time to think about what would make it meaningful. The professional team is happy to assist and be part of such a ritual, should you desire.

Most people experience an emotional reaction in the day or days they sign their divorce papers. This reaction is both very personal and very normal. We suggest you do not schedule anything stressful on the day that your divorce papers are signed, and that you make sure that you are in a supportive environment that evening.